OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
