Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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