just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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