she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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