So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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