living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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