So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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