I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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