I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
