Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
