i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.