Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?

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  (734): What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo? http://tfl.nu/r7wm
  Replies (27) Good night (3482) Bad night (1533)
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  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

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  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (114) Good night (24570) Bad night (939)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages

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  (803): Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages http://tfl.nu/95a0
  Replies (44) Good night (6039) Bad night (1325)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.

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  (508): I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave. http://tfl.nu/zhay
  Replies (6) Good night (1379) Bad night (3759)
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  (845): View more from New York

  It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes

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  (845): It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes http://tfl.nu/nbul
  Replies (9) Good night (620) Bad night (2623)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."

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  (651): She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name." http://tfl.nu/v79x
  Replies (16) Good night (4267) Bad night (744)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.

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  (724): For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you. http://tfl.nu/dykx
  Replies (8) Good night (3406) Bad night (803)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.

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  (720): I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up. http://tfl.nu/iuni
  Replies (5) Good night (802) Bad night (1604)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Only the gays

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  (646): Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel (773): Only the gays http://tfl.nu/jfsv
  Replies (8) Good night (908) Bad night (1297)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.

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  (913): You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic. http://tfl.nu/rxwg
  Replies (4) Good night (1102) Bad night (477)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.

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  (207): I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit. http://tfl.nu/x2in
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (287)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it

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  (571): My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it http://tfl.nu/xr2p
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.

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  (828): There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper. http://tfl.nu/4caj
  Replies (2) Good night (566) Bad night (251)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.

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  (973): Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration. http://tfl.nu/tyeg
  Replies (0) Good night (418) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot

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  (973): I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot http://tfl.nu/bffj
  Replies (6) Good night (1074) Bad night (234)

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