He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
