He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
