Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
