Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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