Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
