Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
