lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
