Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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