Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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