Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
