People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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