If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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