she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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