what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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