were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
