Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
