I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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