Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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