Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
