So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This baby is an asshole
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
