my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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