I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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