The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
