can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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