The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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