Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
