Sry I called you an 8
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
