we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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