i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
