I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
