he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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