so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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