Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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