if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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