did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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