I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
