I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
