i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
