i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
