in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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