i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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