we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
