it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
