Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Drake has all the answers
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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