i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
