If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
