oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
