I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
