It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
