i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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