Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
