After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
