Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
