When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My vagina is officially offended.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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