Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
