She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
