There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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