Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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