she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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