and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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