I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
