Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
