What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
