I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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