So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
