Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
