Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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