You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
