guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
