So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
