WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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