i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
