i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
