shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
