I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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